I have given up. I have been generous to you, I have tried to see through your point of view, and I have tried to cooperate with you. I have swallowed my pride, I have introspected, I have reformulated my position various times, and I have tried to show you that no matter our differences, I just want what you want. All I want is peace, tolerance, fairness, and kindness.
But I have come to realize that I was wrong about you. It’s not that you are naive or a bit overzealous in this or that area. At the end of the day, you don’t care about those fundamental concepts. All you care about is your own survival. All of your self-righteusness, your entire identity…
I have conceded again and again. I have steelmanned your arguments. I have sincerely, genuinely, seen through your perspective. I have always understood it – without strawmanning it, without ridiculing it, without dismissing it or invalidating it.
And for all of this effort trying to find a common ground, all of this effort to represent you as accurately and charitably as possible, and all of the effort I have made to establish peace and reach a point of agreement, for all of this, what did you do in return?
Did you try to understand my suffering, my perspective? Did you try to understand where I’m coming from? Did you hold me to the same standards to which you hold everyone else? Did you at the very least bother to try represent me accurately?
You declared me your enemy. You declared me your enemy. You declared me to blame for the evils of this world.
I am done being charitable. I am done pretending that you are kinder than you truly are. I am done hoping that when you say I am your enemy, you are truly referring to someone else. Some other group of people. Or perhaps not a group of people, just a historical, abstract system which benefits me. No. I won’t fall for your bait and switch. You don’t get to declare me, to my own face, that I am your enemy, and that I don’t even deserve to be heard, that I don’t deserve compassion, because I’m the scum of the Earth. You don’t get to do that, and whenever you are called out, you pull out some esoteric, academic argument.
The way you speak to me. The way you speak about me. The way you treat me. I have experienced it for so long, I have no more room for misinterpretations or rationalizations. That’s the end of it. You have declared me your enemy. That is the core of your religion. Regardless of what I do, regardless of my character, personality, intentions, actions, regardless of all that, you perceive me as your enemy.
You activists. You intellectuals. You white knights. You progressives. You “stage green” folk. I can’t. I fucking can’t.
I was so foolish. I’m almost 27. I can’t believe it took me so many years to understand this. For far too long, I believed there was kindness within you. I didn’t think that all of you were radicals. I thought only a small minority was like that. I thought most of you saw me as what I am. Just another human. But you don’t see me as human. You don’t even see me as an animal. You look at me, and you are disgusted. You cringe, you grimace, and you become so fucking hostile. You have been hostile at me, at my nature, since forever. How foolish was I, thinking I was your ally?
I am your enemy. And I will be so, until I die. An enemy for life. There isn’t even point in trying to cooperate, empathise, or understand. I am your enemy. According to your religion, I am Satan.
You win. You have taken over everything by this point. I won’t waste energy trying to fight you back either. For practical purposes, you have won. You, “the peaceful ones”, “the compassionate ones”, have initiated a war, and you won.
I have no allies. I have no one. But I have myself, and my values. And you can’t take those away. You may harm my Finances, and my social life, but I won’t let you own my happiness. I own it. I will learn to enjoy this journey all by myself.
For the rest of my life, I will be loyal to my values. I’m aware you will punish me for it. And so be it.
You bait me, you want to pull me back into war. No. That’s not going to happen. I have my own path in this life. I am following it, and I won’t let you and your bullshit religion and your bullshit wars get in the way.
Once in a full moon, you will see this side of me. The side that tells you to go fuck yourselves and fuck your abhorrent ideology. But that’s about it. I won’t let you take much more of my time and energy by combating your stupidity and evil.
You wanted to shut me down? Done. I won’t give you the pleasure of defeating me again.
I have suffered so much because of you. I am putting a stop to this. Now, I shall suffer in silence. In solitude.
In public, I shall give you zero thought, zero opinion, zero resistance, zero understanding, zero cooperation. Zero consideration.
You deserve zero consideration.
Zero consideration.