There’s a pervasive whisper in the spiritual and self-help world, echoing from ancient traditions to contemporary gurus: “Destroy your ego.” “Overcome your ego.” It’s presented as the ultimate path to freedom, the key to unlocking true happiness by shedding the primary source of all suffering. But after some personal experimentation, I’ve come to a stark and undeniable conclusion: for the vast majority of people navigating ordinary lives, this advice is dangerous.
“Destroy the Ego”: Understanding the Mandate
Let’s first clarify what this widely promoted philosophy entails, giving it the benefit of a steelman interpretation.
From a Buddhist perspective, the ego is often viewed as an illusion, a construct of the mind that creates a false sense of a separate self. Suffering, in this view, arises from clinging to this illusion. The path involves transcending this illusory self through practices like meditation, recognizing the interconnectedness of all things, and ultimately dissolving the sense of individual ego into a larger, non-dual reality. It’s about seeing through the illusion of self and suffering.
More contemporary figures, such as Leo Gura of Actualized.org or the late David R. Hawkins, present a more direct and often confrontational view. For them, the ego isn’t just an illusion; it’s a very real and tangible entity within us that actively causes suffering. It’s characterized by selfishness, bias, fear, and attachment to personal desires. The solution, in this school of thought, is to deconstruct, face, and overcome this ego. Leo Gura, in particular, consistently advocates for deep introspection to uncover and dismantle one’s biases and selfishness. The recurring theme is that genuine happiness and liberation come from becoming selfless, caring more about the world and others, and significantly less about oneself. Actions that defy the ego’s comfort zone are encouraged, viewing selflessness as the direct antidote to neuroticism and personal suffering. David R. Hawkins, known for his work on consciousness and calibrated levels of awareness, similarly posits that lower levels of consciousness (which he associates with egoic states like pride, anger, and fear) are the source of misery, and that higher states are characterized by love, peace, and selflessness.
Try It Out: An Empirical Challenge
Before you dismiss this as mere philosophical quibbling, I urge you to consider this as an empirical challenge. Don’t just ponder these ideas; truly live them. For two or three years, commit yourself to this path:
- Consistently seek out and deconstruct your perceived biases and selfishness.
- Actively strive to be more selfless in your daily interactions, prioritizing the needs of others above your own comfort or desires.
- Embrace discomfort, face fears, and push past your perceived limitations, viewing any resistance as the ego’s attempt to preserve itself.
- Engage in relentless self-criticism, always looking inward for the egoic source of your struggles.
Live this way, not just for a week, but for a substantial period. Track your emotional state, your relationships, your overall sense of well-being. See how much genuine, sustainable progress you make toward eradicating suffering. I invite you to conduct this personal, rigorous, empirical study.
The Problems: A Trail of Personal Devastation
I took that challenge. I lived that life. And what I found, through immense personal suffering, was not liberation, but a deeper descent into unwellness. The “destroy your ego” mandate, when applied to a normal life without monastic privilege or psychedelic tools, creates profound and systemic problems:
- The Inescapable Reality of the Ego: For most people, without dedicating decades to intense spiritual practice in isolation, the ego cannot be “transcended” or “destroyed.” It is an intrinsic part of our psychological operating system, essential for navigating identity, boundaries, and individual agency in the world. To assume otherwise is to deny fundamental human psychology.
- Mistaking Mental Illness for “Ego”: A significant portion of society struggles with genuine mental health conditions—low self-esteem, trauma, anxiety, depression, neurosis. To tell someone struggling with deep-seated emotional sensitivity or chronic anxiety that it’s “just their ego” or “selfishness” is not only dismissive but actively harmful. These issues require professional care, not an internal crusade against a perceived flaw. My own emotional sensitivity, for example, stemmed from a harsh upbringing, not an overinflated ego, and needed compassion and psychological understanding, not deconstruction.
- Ignoring Biological & External Factors: We are biological creatures. Our well-being is intrinsically linked to sleep, nutrition, rest, and social connection. Much suffering is not ego-driven but a direct consequence of imbalance or external pressures: a demanding job, financial stress, toxic home environments, lack of social support. Blaming the “ego” for suffering caused by systemic issues or basic biological needs going unmet is profoundly misguided. When you are genuinely “overdone,” needing recovery and decreased stimulation, the advice to “go out and face your fears” or “be more active in the world” is a recipe for further collapse.
- The Perils of “Selflessness”: For many, particularly those prone to people-pleasing, being “selfless” is not a cure but a core part of their existing struggle. I, like many others, spent years mistreating myself, making large sacrifices, and being overly critical, all in an attempt to be “less selfish” or “fix my flaws”. This led to a malnourished sense of self, a profound lack of self-esteem, and a state where recovery, not further self-improvement, became the immediate necessity. “Selfless” advice for someone who already lacks boundaries is nothing short of dangerous, fostering further exploitation and burnout.
The Counter-Argument: A Steelman Defense
Leo, if he had the attention span to read this, would argue: “Hey, you’re strawmanning! I never said you should gaslight yourself, overexert yourself, or damage your mental health! I advocate for mental and physical well-being. I never said to defeat your ego completely; in fact, I’ve stated most people will never fully overcome it. When I tell people to look inward, it’s because almost no one does it—people are lazy and complacent, blaming external factors. I even emphasize becoming more like your true self to reduce neuroticism, explaining that suffering comes from rejecting your authentic nature.”
This counter-argument insists that the nuanced understanding is there, and that the direct, challenging language is intended to motivate genuinely complacent individuals to take responsibility.
The Counter-Counter Argument: The Severity of Misdirection
However, no matter how carefully one attempts to steelman this position, the practical impact for a vast segment of the population remains unchanged, and dangerously so.
You cannot have it both ways. You cannot dedicate 99% of your public discourse—your videos, your forum comments, your foundational teachings—to condemning the ego, labeling individuals as selfish and lazy, and promoting selflessness as the ultimate antidote, and then rely on a 1% nuance buried in an ancillary video to absolve the dominant message of its harmful effects. The message that is heard, internalized, and acted upon by countless individuals is the overwhelming one.
And that overwhelming message is flawed in fundamental, often destructive ways:
- The Default Assumption is Wrong: The constant assumption that the ego is the default source of suffering, 9 times out of 10, is a reckless oversimplification. As demonstrated, suffering frequently stems from mental health conditions, trauma, biological needs, or adverse external circumstances—none of which are purely “egoic” faults to be conquered.
- “Be More Selfless” is Often Poisonous: For countless individuals, particularly people-pleasers, those with low self-worth, or individuals recovering from emotional abuse, the advice to “be more selfless” is not a cure, but a direct instruction to exacerbate their illness. These individuals desperately need to cultivate healthy boundaries, prioritize their own needs, and learn to be more “selfish” in a healthy, self-preserving way. This advice, blindly applied, actively harms those most in need of genuine healing.
- Simplistic Answers to Complex Problems: The notion that “if only you were selfless, people would flock to you” (as I once read in David R. Hawkins) is not only assertive and confident but profoundly wrong and simplistic. Social dynamics are intricate. People are busy, have established circles, are driven by a multitude of factors (attraction, shared interests, practical needs) beyond one’s “selflessness.” There are plenty of charismatic, successful, even selfish individuals who command popularity due to personality, power, or social skills. Reducing complex human interaction to a single internal virtue is abstract, unfalsifiable, and for many, empirically false.
The Conclusion: The Indictment – Be an Ally of Your Ego
Let the record show: the advice to “destroy your ego” is, for most people, a spiritual dead end, a pathway to deeper self-alienation and unnecessary suffering.
The critical missing piece in this spiritual doctrine is compassion and practicality. It is not about feeding every single fleeting desire or negative emotion that may arise from the ego, but rather engaging in a reasonable, deeply empathic compromise with your integrated self. The path forward is not annihilation, but alliance.
Therefore, for the sake of your psychological and emotional well-being, I present this directive, which must be taken with the utmost gravity:
- Acknowledge Your Suffering, Your Flaws, Your Limits: Do not pathologize your sensitivities, your protective mechanisms, or your genuine pain as mere “egoic flaws” to be eradicated. Acknowledge them as part of your human experience, often borne of trauma, circumstance, or biological predisposition. Your suffering is real, and it deserves to be seen, not condemned. Your limits are real, and they demand respect, not relentless violation.
- Prioritize Mental Health with Utmost Seriousness: This is not a secondary concern; it is foundational. If you are experiencing persistent low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or the lingering effects of trauma, these are medical and psychological conditions that demand professional attention. Just as you would seek treatment for a physical ailment, seek qualified therapy, counseling, or psychiatric care. Do not allow spiritual platitudes to delay or replace evidence-based treatment. Your mental health is not a battle against an “ego”; it is a complex physiological and psychological state requiring expert intervention and compassionate self-care.
- Address External Factors with Unwavering Resolve: Recognize that much suffering originates outside the self. Your environment, your social support system, your work-life balance, your financial stability, your physical health—these are critical determinants of your well-being. Do not internalize suffering caused by external pressures as a personal failing of “ego.” Actively work to improve these external conditions where possible, and develop robust coping strategies for those that cannot be immediately changed. Protecting your biological and social needs is not selfishness; it is fundamental to human flourishing.
To ignore these two imperatives—mental health and external factors—in favor of a relentless internal battle against a caricatured “ego” is to engage in a profound act of self-neglect. The time for abstract spiritual ideals to overshadow the concrete realities of human suffering is over. Your ego is not your enemy; it is a part of you that deserves understanding, care, and a wise alliance. Your well-being depends on it.