Bio
Name: Raiva
Sex: Male
Age: ██
Profession: Software Engineer
Education: Bachelor’s degree in Information Technologies; Postgraduate degree in Data Science; currently undertaking a Master’s degree in Business Management
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Personality
Openness to experience: 6/10
Conscientiousness: 9/10
Extraversion: 1/10
Agreeableness: 7/10
Neuroticism: 9/10
Relationships
Subject has formed very few friendships throughout their life, and usually said friendships are short lived, and ██████ █████████.
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Creative Writing
Subject has stated multiple times that creative writing is their “life purpose”, and that they intend on writing at least one novel of each genre. They have successfully written three thus far (a drama, a horror, and a crime thriller). Their creative endeavors are solely for the sake of creativity. Subject displays little to no intention of contacting publishers or other companies to market their books. They claim they have investigated the topic and consider it all a waste of time. They prefer to self publish their novels online, even that reaches almost no readers (due to limited exposure).
Subject claims their stories contain very frequently themes of violence, oppression, and cruelty. Whenever discussing these details, subject smiles. It is worth noting the protagonists in the subject’s stories are almost always the receivers of such cruelty, not the givers. This is an indication that creative writing serves as a safe, controlled environment for the subject to explore psychological wounds. Depictions of violence in fiction serve as an emotional catharsis. Subject displays annoyance when this topic is brought up, as they perceive it as a pathologization of their creative endeavor.
Common Themes
Here is a list of common themes that are brought up during psychological sessions:
- Alienation
- Loneliness
- Rejection
- Life purpose
- “Rat race”
- “Late stage Capitalism”
- “Woke religion”
- Exhaustion
- Irritability
- Sadness
Maladaptive Behavioral Patterns
Subject claims that they are often regarded as a “people pleaser” by others, an assessment with which they somewhat agree. During sessions, they have often apologized unnecessarily; they have displayed hypervigilance when interpreting comments and remarks from their psychologist; and they have displayed irritation and annoyance at their psychologist in certain instances, but have refrained from initiating conflict or addressing what is bothering them. They have repeatedly stated they are conflict-averse towards everyone in their life.
Subject experiences prolonged periods of rumination. After experiencing an event that caused them emotional distress, no matter how trivial, subject often suffers from patterns of rumination, during which they relive the event, rethink it, and feel the negative emotions associated with said event.
Subject displays some level of social avoidance, which has increased over time. They actively seek out ways to function in their day-to-day life with as minimal interaction with others as possible. They explain that they do it out of a sense of social anxiety.
Subject has a rigid sense of ethics, which causes them to judge others harshly even for minor transgressions. This has developed into a cynical, almost misanthropic perception of other people.
Life Goals
Subject becomes self-confident and passionate whenever they discuss their life goals. This includes the following:
- Completing their Master’s degree (currently working on the thesis)
- Writing one novel of each genre (has written 3 thus far)
- Creating their own series of novels in the same setting and genre
- Starting a small business and becoming financially independent (has produced a short business plan already)
- Visiting each of the Seven Wonders of the World
- To become physically fit (currently going to the gym 3 times a week)
- To develop their social skills (which they claim to have improved greatly over years, but are still researching how to improve their persuasion skills and body language)
Autism Spectrum
Although the subject has never been diagnosed officially with Autism Spectrum Disorder, they possess various symptoms that align with this condition:
- Sensitivity to loud or constant noises
- Rigid routine and discomfort in breaking out of it
- Frequent mentions of feeling burned out, especially after prolonged social activities – often associated with the demands of “masking”
- Articulate, excessively formal speech
- Rigid body language, lacking in expression
- Small niche of interests and obsessions (e.g. creative writing, videogames, digital art)
- Difficulty creating and maintaining relationships
Subject becomes distressed when the terms “autistic” or “autism” are brought up during sessions. One time it caused them to start tearing up.
Self-Perception
When asked about the manner they perceive themselves, subject stated they have a mostly neutral opinion. They claim to be a decent human being, hard working, but they also acknowledge their neurotic tendencies, their frequent victimhood narratives and negative thoughts. Subject stated they had a very low self esteem for the majority of their life, but after reaching a certain level of stability (job, living alone, adulthood, getting in shape) that currently their self esteem is at an all time high. They stated they always enjoy receiving compliments, without experiencing embarrassment about it.
Subject has revealed in very recent sessions that shame is a very deep emotion they experience, very frequently. When asked about the topics or situations that bring up feelings of shame, subject refused to elaborate, stating “It’s too difficult. I can’t”.
Spiritual Beliefs
Subject identifies as “spiritual but not religious”. They find traditional forms of institutional religion to be highly problematic due to dogmatism and potential for oppressive restrictions. They have, however, read the Tao Te Ching, some Buddhist scriptures, and on occasion watches videos from Sadhguru and Osho. Subject temporarily identified as “secular Buddhist”, but decided to let go of such label due to the fact they did not perform any activity related with that tradition, such as meditation.
It is worth noting how frequently subject brings up Buddhist and other spiritual terms during sessions, such as “attachment” and “suffering”, and “living in the present”.
Subject has two tattoos on their left arm, in Sanskrit, which say “Moksha” – the end of cycle of rebirth, a term used in Hindu and Buddhist traditions – Determination (also in Sanskrit, without any particular spiritual meaning), and on their right arm they have a tattoo that says “Sinner” (in English). Subject has mentioned they want to get another tattoo, that of a snake, revolving the “Sinner” text.
Subject claims they only find use in these spiritual topics for the sake of self-actualization and positive psychology. They do not believe in souls, reincarnation, Hell, Heaven, God, or Satan, or anything supernatural.
Misanthropy
Subject has been displaying an increasingly more exacerbated sense of misanthropy over the years. This misanthropy is not out of actual hatred of humanity, but rather an emotional reaction toward disappointment, failed expectations, and feelings of hurt and rejection they have experienced.
Subject firmly states to believe the following points:
- People are selectively empathetic
- People are selfish
- People are shallow – they make decisions based on surface level characteristics about others, such as looks, money, and status, as opposed to taking into account more “important” and profound dimensions such as the quality of their character
- People lack basic critical thinking
- People are “fake”
- Women in particular only care about looks, money, and status (when assessing a man who is interested in dating them)
- News reporters and politicians are bad faith actors
- Left wing activists (feminist activists, vegan activists, LGBTQ activists) are the most dishonest, divisive, “obnoxious”, hateful, and hypocritical individuals on the planet
When subject was confronted on these points and was asked whether they also commit these transgressions, subject replied the following:
“I’m not perfect. I’m not special. Everyone has selective empathy in one way or another. Of course, I care more about my own family than about my neighbor’s family. That’s natural. But I honestly believe I have a more extensive, more inclusive empathy than most people. I help others a lot more than they help me. And I don’t put people down. So, really, this is a matter of point of reference. Am I a perfect critical thinker? No, of course not. But do I apply my critical thinking more, more often than most people? Yes. We have had many sessions over the course of these 2-3 years. I’m not the type of person who makes rash judgements. I withhold my judgement on any given topic until I have at least enough contact, enough experience and information on it. But most people? When I speak, people misconstrue me all the time. And that’s not because I’m a poor communicator. It’s because I say A+B+C, and they insert Z there for no reason. People constantly make assumptions. And most of all, I believe I engage in much less groupthink than most people do. I try to form my opinions on my own. It’s rare for me to form an opinion on something, just by absorbing that opinion from those around me, or from what society tells me. I know saying these things makes me seem arrogant. But I think I am being fair. And just so I can clarify the topic of empathy once again. When was the last time I ghosted someone who texted me? Never. I don’t do that. When was the last time a classmate asked me for help, and I refused to help them, in school or college? Never. When was the last time I went out of my way, confronted someone, and berated them because I don’t agree with this or that life choice of theirs, or their political perspective, or some other perspective? Never. I genuinely think I respect others more than they respect me. And I have helped others again, and again, and again, and again. And the few times I did ask someone else for help, they managed to disappoint me. They told me it was difficult, or inconvenient, or it was bad timing. So, yes, I can say with a lot of conviction that I do possess a bit more empathy and compassion than most people.”
Signs of Concern
- Very high sensitivity around certain subjects, which cause invoke irritation or depression in the subject
- Lack of pleasure in almost everything (anhedonia)
- Lack of motivation to socialize
- A fascination with misanthropic and asocial thinkers, such as Schopenhauer and Ted Kaczynski
- Difficulty concentrating, oftentimes noticeable during sessions, in which subject fails to understand or respond questions, or takes a very long time to do so
- Frequently feels irritable, numb, or depressed