You.
You feel the Devil inside of you.
Parties, fun, freedom, love.
You are someone’s “baby”.
Attachment, detachment,
excitement, so much.
Confusion, indecision,
happiness, sadness.
So many emotions. Good ones, bad ones.
The need to explore and try everything.
So naughty. So adventurous.
So insecure. Yet, so strong.
You go, girl. You go.
Life is an adventure.
You should enjoy it to the fullest.
Nothing else matters.
Nothing. Else. Matters.
Be a bad girl. Be yourself. Do what you want.
You have friends. They will support you.
You have a companion. He will support you.
So much richness. Good things, bad things.
Life has so much to offer. So many flavors.
So many cities, so many sights, so many feelings.
You deserve it. Don’t let anyone take this away from you.
You deserve it all. You’re a princess.
You’re a good person.
You’re kind hearted.
There is no malice in you. None at all.
Don’t let anyone take away your freedom.
Don’t let anyone tell you what to do.
Life is hard. You deserve good things.
You are smart, and kind.
You’re not perfect. But your imperfections matter.
They make you special.
No one understands you.
You can’t trust anyone. Maybe your friends.
The sadness you feel is valid.
The confusion, the anxiety, it’s all valid.
But it’s all right.
You are a complex being. You aren’t simple minded.
You are good, and that’s what matters most.
And because of that, your life is good.
No one has ever handed you anything on a silver platter.
You deserve it all, girl.
Parties, lights, candles, music, kisses, fun, adventure, danger, sex!
Don’t ever blame yourself. Don’t you dare ever feel bad.
You deserve to enjoy it all! Take it all!
You’re a good person, a strong person, a smart person.
You deserve the best of the best, of the best of the best. Never settle for less.
Enjoy the excitement, of being fucked by the Devil himself!
It’s naughty, it’s exciting. It’s hot! It feels great!
Laugh, cry, moan, sing, scream, pant, inhale, exhale –
you want to feel it all!
I.
I feel…
No breadth, only depth.
Like an endless pit…
Each day, same as yesterday,
closer to the bottom of despair.
They say you are the complex one…
Don’t make me laugh.
The fake smiles, the frowns, the tears…
The shit… I’ve been through…
The pain, the anger, the wrath, the sadness…
Sadness isn’t ephemeral. It is permanent.
You can’t call it sadness if it ceases in one hour.
Or in a day. Or two. Or in a month.
Sadness lasts years. Decades.
Complex… Complex?
The richness of life… It’s appreciated by both negatives and positives?
And “only you” appreciate the negatives?
What I feel today…
You wouldn’t get it.
You can’t imagine it.
You couldn’t feel it.
You will never feel it.
You will never get to know what it’s like.
To be sad, hated, alone.
It becomes part of you.
I…
They say I’m evil.
I’m getting what I deserve.
This is my punishment.
My repercussion.
My “harsh lesson”.
There is nothing to be learned.
Strangeness, defiance,
stubbornness, creativity,
the things I am, they…
Are meaningless.
Kindness… Lackthereof.
Kindness? kind hearted?
Evil hearted?
Bitterness is evil?
I’m evil BECAUSE I SUFFER?
Maybe I am evil.
Or maybe I’m not.
What you call evil is hurt.
It’s starvation. It’s thirst.
It’s injury.
I’ve been injured. I’ve been wounded. I’ve been defeated. I’ve been broken.
Broken bones, broken teeth.
Bruises.
Moans of pain… Not pleasure.
Do these sounds bother you?
I’ve been told to shut up.
I’ve been told to chill out.
I’ve been told not to care.
I’ve been told to try harder.
I’ve been told not to be so…
Fucking selfish.
It is selfish to want the pain to go away.
It is selfish to want good things.
It is selfish to exist.
I’m selfish. You’re not.
Selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish,
selfish, selfish, selfish…
I feel cold.
I feel upset.
I feel things… You don’t even know exist.
Certain emotions, certain feelings…
I’m “evil”. That’s why I feel evil emotions.
Maybe you’re right. By your standards, you truly are…
“Kind hearted”.