People are exhausting. I fucking can’t.
I must find ways to make myself happy, entirely on my own.
It truly isn’t worth it. I have made so many sacrifices. I have suffered enough. I receive zero validation. Zero care or compassion. I’m invisible. And I’m the enemy.
I accept the loneliness. I give up on getting along with people. I give up. I cannot afford to spend one second further caring about others. My mind can’t take it.
Stories. Visual arts. Philosophy. I must be content with these.
There is no more hope to engage with others. I have been living like this for a while now. I must get used to it. Because I am surrendering officially.
This world has failed. People have failed. I understand there must be some level of challenge. Some amount of chaos. Some amount of selfishness and evil in the world. But I had hoped most people were somewhat normal. Somewhat morally gray.
“If everyone you know is an asshole, you’re the asshole.”
Fuck off.
How typical. Appealing to whatever the majority thinks, as opposed to what is true.
I’m not a fucking asshole. I’m no saint, but my morals are quite high. It’s not an issue of being an asshole. It’s about survival value. They don’t see value in me. For their own selfish desires.
I choose peace. I surrender. Some things are just not worth chasing. Some sacrifices aren’t worth it. I rather feel like a criminal who just got caught. At least there’s no more stress. No more worrying.
No more giving fucks about retards. I choose to be selfish with my mental energy, and selfish with my happiness.
My life has been a very lonely journey. And it shall remain so until the end. I might as well accept it.
I can focus on my projects, at least. I can focus on my mission. I can actually focus. I should take advantage of that.
If loneliness is an unbeatable curse, I shall live with it. I shall suffer deeply. I shall crave connection, validation, kindness. I shall get none of those. But life goes on. I must accept it and move forward.
I still have drive within me. I still have a mission, goals, and passions. These are my focus. Everything else is bullshit. I won’t spend more energy fighting the madness around me. People don’t deserve my energy. And my enemies don’t deserve my attention.
My name is Bitterness.
